{"id":9467,"date":"2014-09-29T20:17:45","date_gmt":"2014-09-29T20:17:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/margiewarrellold.flywheelsites.com\/?p=9467"},"modified":"2014-09-29T20:17:45","modified_gmt":"2014-09-29T20:17:45","slug":"its-not-what-you-think-you-fear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/margiewarrell.com\/its-not-what-you-think-you-fear\/","title":{"rendered":"It’s not what you THINK you fear, it’s what you LINK to fear"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"ben\"<\/a>When I asked my son Ben what he wanted for his 13th<\/sup> birthday in August he pondered the question for about ten seconds before replying, \u201cTo go sky diving.\u201d\u00a0 While I was a bit taken aback I knew that given both Andrew and I had both been parachuting I\u2019d be a hypocrite to say it was too dangerous.\u00a0 Not only that, the reality is that there was more chance of us being killed in a car crash on the way to the plane than from him jumping out of it. So I parked my fears and focused on the excitement the lay in store for him.<\/p>\n

On \u2018jump morning\u2019 as I was driving him to the drop-off point to sign 101 waiver forms meet the professional diver he\u2019d be strapped to, I asked Ben if he was nervous.<\/p>\n

\u201cNah not much. Should I be?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNope.” I said, biting my tongue (because I sure as hell would be) and trying to divert my now wandering imagination from thinking about a failed chute.<\/p>\n

An hour later, I sat on the side of the grassy landing field staring up into the blue sky and watching him twirl down to earth and land safely nearby.\u00a0With his eyes wide and smile beaming off his face, first words to me said it all. \u201cThat was absolutely fantasmagorical mum. I want the exact same thing for my 4th<\/sup> birthday!\u201d\u00a0 What have I created?! I thought to myself and told him he was paying for the next one.<\/p>\n

While Ben said he was terrified as they sat at the open doorway of the small plane just before jumping (he is, after all, a human!), his relative lack of anxiety brought home the reality of fear. That is, fear is a product of the thoughts we create; a projection of some future occurrence \u2013 something that has yet to happen, something that may be unlikely to ever happen.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not the event or object that we fear that holds power over us; it\u2019s our fear of it. Left unchecked, fear can set up permanent residence in our lives, and hold us stuck in one place with the grip of a vice. The more we relent, the harder it is to free ourselves.\u00a0 It\u2019s why so many people live their lives held hostage to fear, never doing what they truly want, or knowing who they truly are.\u00a0 No foe or force on earth can rob us of our freedom as much as our self-created fear.<\/p>\n

Of course, we shouldn\u2019t caste fear as the \u2018bad guy\u2019 we want to eradicate.\u00a0 It\u2019s not. Like all emotions, its wired into our psychic DNA for a reason:\u00a0 to protect us from danger and alert us to potential threats to our safety. Which is why, in culture of fear we have to be increasingly discerning about the fears we buy into, vigilant about not letting others fears become our own and mindful of the ubiquitous nature of fear that can keep us living on the sidelines, in the shadows, instead of taking the leading role in our own lives.<\/p>\n

We suffer more from imagination than from reality \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Monsters are real. Ghosts are real too. They live inside us and sometimes they win.
\n~Stephen King<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The irony that most of the things we spend our lives afraid of never actually happen. \u00a0Our plane doesn\u2019t crash. Our children don\u2019t get abducted. We don\u2019t contract killer viruses. The thing you fear might happen is not what holds power over you, it\u2019s your fear of how you will feel if the worst eventuates. Sadly, in people\u2019s efforts to avoid such (usually remote) possibilities they inadvertently create more angst, more heartache and more hardship for themselves than had they had the courage to risk outright exposure.\u00a0 They also fail to build the self-efficacy, resiliency and \u2018courage muscles\u2019 needed to rise above the storm waves when they do arrive.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not what you think<\/i> you fear, it\u2019s what you link<\/i> to fear<\/b><\/p>\n

I once read that we tend to be afraid of our feelings for the same reason we are afraid of ghosts. We can’t see them, we can’t catch them, and we can\u2019t control them.\u00a0 Consequently we go through life with a \u2018feeling phobia\u2019 – afraid to feel fully and confusing what it is we think<\/i> we fear with what we link<\/i> to fear.<\/p>\n