Just last week, my youngest son Matt graduated from Baylor University. As he walked that stage\u2014broad smile, degree in hand, future wide open\u2014I felt incredibly proud and a little relieved. After all, this was the same kid who once told his first-grade teacher he’d “rather get drunk and die than learn to read.”\u00a0<\/p>\n
And while Matt has always marched to the beat of his own drum, I’d like to think that some of my advice helped him get to this point. Not that he has listened to near as much as I’d like. Nor his three siblings. But I keep offering wisdom\u2014because every now and again, miracle of miracles, some actually lands.<\/p>\n
And while no one has invited me to give a commencement address this year, here are nine things I’d like to share with every newly minted grad who is stepping off the stage and launching into “adultland” right now.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”-17px||-17px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/margiewarrell.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/MailerLite-Layout.jpg” title_text=”MailerLite Layout” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]
As simple as it sounds, this is the hard part. Being an adult means taking full responsibility for your life. Not blaming your parents for their short comings, or your lousy boss, or anyone else for what\u2019s working or not working in your life. Even when you\u2019ve been treated unfairly (and you will be at times), refuse to fall victim to a victim mindset that will only siphon the very agency you need to improve your situation.<\/p>\n
There will be many things you cannot control on your path ahead. But the one thing you can control, is how you show up for life. So show up on time. Treat people well. Don\u2019t spend more than you earn. Pay back what you borrow. Promptly. Be polite. Get back to people. Look people in the eye. Extend your hand to shake first. Open the door. Send a follow-up note. Handwritten even better. Exercise your body. Eat good food to balance out the rest.<\/p>\n
And when you mess up\u2014and you will<\/em>\u2014own it, clean it up (master apologizing!), learn the lesson and move on. Most of all, be the kind of person others would want to recommend, work with, hang out with, and employ: reliable, respectful, generous, honest, ready to pitch in even when it\u2019s not your job. That\u2019s the kind of adult the world needs more of. This is all entirely in your control. If you do it (because many your age won\u2019t), you\u2019ll stand out in every room you enter.<\/p>\n Do you remember how stressed you were about choosing the right college?\u00a0<\/p>\n Maybe you got it right. Maybe it wasn\u2019t the ideal fit. Either way, you still learned something.\u00a0 \u00a0And hopefully one of those lessons is that there is no \u201cperfect\u201d college, job, city, friend or partner. Some of your best growth will happen in places that don\u2019t fit. That\u2019s not failure\u2014it\u2019s feedback.<\/p>\n Research by psychologist Barry Schwartz on \u201cmaximizers\u201d (those who try to make the perfect decision) vs. \u201csatisficers\u201d (those who make a good enough choice and adjust) shows that maximizers experience lower satisfaction and more regret. Translation: don\u2019t overthink it. Choose, move, adjust. Make the best decision you can with what you know. Trust yourself to figure the rest out as you go along.<\/p>\n No one else on the entire planet has your mix of talents, opportunities, or interests. Nor has anyone had your exact same path. So do not try to walk anyone else\u2019s.<\/p>\n Ask yourself: What do you<\/em> want? Not your parents. Not your professor. Not your friends or your social feed.<\/p>\n When I interviewed Bronnie Ware, a former palliative care nurse, on my Live Brave Podcast<\/a>, she shared with me one of the biggest regrets of the dying:<\/p>\n \u201cI wish I\u2019d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.\u201d<\/p>\n Try out new things. Figure out what gives you energy. What aligns with your values. What stretches you. What broadens how you think and see the world and makes you proud of who you’re becoming. And then follow that path\u2014even if no one else quite understands it. And if you want to change it, change it and don\u2019t lock yourself into one narrow vision. Many of the most interesting careers didn\u2019t exist a decade ago. According to the World Economic Forum, 65% of today\u2019s primary school kids will work in jobs that don\u2019t yet exist.<\/p>\n Let yourself be surprised. Stay open. Be curious. Just don\u2019t let what other people are doing with their lives determine what you\u2019ll do with your own<\/p>\n The world is more connected than ever\u2014and yet young people like you are lonelier and more isolated than ever. Why? Because that phone you hold in your hand enables you to avoid the real work and awkward moments that are required to forge truly meaningful relationships.<\/p>\n So pick up the phone and make a call, even when it feels awkward. And when you go out, put your phones away and engage in real, sometimes slightly awkward, conversations that build trust and deepen emotional intimacy.<\/p>\n Yes, emotional intimacy \u2013 it\u2019s a thing. It\u2019s about being real, not photo-shopped. There\u2019s a profound difference between an online social network and a real one.<\/p>\n https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/margiewarrell\/2020\/10\/29\/talk-more-type-less-real-conversations-build-more-meaningful-connections\/<\/a><\/p>\n I get it\u2014why would anyone want to embrace their struggles? Surely it\u2019s better to avoid them, right?<\/p>\n Not so.<\/p>\n I\u2019m not suggesting you go out of your way to make life harder than it already is. But I am saying that when you embrace your struggles, you expand your capacity to handle them. You build your bandwidth for life. You learn more about yourself. And you grow.<\/p>\n Because the truth is, we don\u2019t grow when everything goes our way. We grow when it doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n There\u2019s a reason botanists put young plants in hot houses and gradually expose them to wider variations in temperature. It\u2019s how they develop the resilience they\u2019ll need to survive in the real world. The same goes for us.<\/p>\n As you step into the world, know this: challenges are guaranteed. But you\u2019ll navigate them far better if you don\u2019t rail against them. Instead, embrace them as part of your journey\u2014lessons in the grand masterclass that is life.<\/p>\n We cannot thrive without the struggle. It\u2019s what introduces us to ourselves at the deepest level. It\u2019s what teaches us what we\u2019re made of.<\/a><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”-17px||-17px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_video src=”https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=kHGiJPqg9ik” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][\/et_pb_video][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”] Life isn\u2019t linear. Yours will have many twists and turns. More than you might expect. Embrace them with curiosity, not self-pity; with adventure, not anxiety. As I\u2019ve come to learn, sometimes the storms you think are ruining your path are really just revealing it.<\/p>\n But don\u2019t just take it from me\u2014research by the American Psychological Association finds that our ability to adapt to what life brings our way is one of the strongest predictors of long-term success and wellbeing.<\/p>\n You will fail. Welcome to the club.<\/p>\n But here\u2019s the secret: the people who look like they\u2019re winning? They\u2019ve failed more than you. They just didn\u2019t let it define them and learned to mine the nuggets of gold when they tripped up or life knocked them down.<\/p>\n Jerry Seinfeld froze during his first-ever stand-up performance and was booed off stage. He showed up again the next night. A few years ago, I would\u2019ve told you your worth isn\u2019t defined by your SAT score. Now I\u2019ll tell you it\u2019s not defined by the job you land, the salary you earn (or don\u2019t earn!), or your latest rejection email.<\/p>\n As positive psychologist Martin Seligman found in his research, people who explain their failures as temporary and specific\u2014rather than personal and permanent\u2014are far more likely to bounce back, press on, and ultimately succeed.<\/p>\n Failure is an event, not a verdict on your potential. It doesn\u2019t mean you don\u2019t have what it takes. It means you\u2019re learning what it takes. Look for the treasure when you trip.\u00a0<\/p>\n https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/margiewarrell\/2014\/02\/25\/how-do-you-explain-your-failures-it-matters-more-than-you-think\/<\/a><\/p>\n There are many people who know things that you don\u2019t because they\u2019ve lived longer or just had experience you haven\u2019t had. Likely both.<\/p>\n Be proactive in getting the advice of many people. Not just those with whom you feel a natural affinity, but those who you don\u2019t. People who come from very different paths. Who look different. Dress different. Vote different.<\/p>\n And when you\u2019re talking to them, listen for what you can learn and for what you might be wrong about. You don\u2019t know what you don\u2019t know despite all those hours of study. Be willing to change your mind. Don\u2019t let your ego\u2019s desire to think you know more and are somehow better than other people keep you from learning something that might help you chart a wiser way forward.<\/p>\n Your worldview is just that. Yours. And I\u2019ll wager a large bet that you\u2019ve got a lot more blind spots than you know.<\/p>\n2. Give yourself permission to make imperfect decisions.<\/h3>\n
3. Run your own best race<\/h3>\n
4. Brave awkward moments with people<\/h3>\n
5. Embrace your struggles<\/h3>\n
6. Find the treasure when you trip<\/h3>\n
J.K. Rowling was rejected by 12 publishers before someone finally took a chance on Harry Potter<\/em>.
Greta Gerwig\u2014director of Barbie<\/em>, Little Women<\/em>, and Lady Bird<\/em> (one of my favorites)\u2014was rejected by every single graduate film school she applied to.<\/p>\n7. Reach out to people who see life differently \u00a0<\/h3>\n