{"id":21072,"date":"2022-02-25T16:19:53","date_gmt":"2022-02-25T05:19:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/margiewarrellold.flywheelsites.com\/?p=21072"},"modified":"2022-02-25T16:19:53","modified_gmt":"2022-02-25T05:19:53","slug":"embracing-all-of-lifes-notes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/margiewarrell.com\/embracing-all-of-lifes-notes\/","title":{"rendered":"Beyond The Middle Octave: Embracing All Of Life’s Notes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It’s hard to wrap words around reuniting with my parents in Australia after two years of travel restrictions. Mum has developed dementia since we last hugged. As she dried my tears she said, “Margaret Mary, is it\u00a0really<\/em>\u00a0you? I feel like I am looking at myself, only younger.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Big emotions have pulled hard on my heartstrings in recent days. I\u2019ve done my best to embrace them, mindful that trying to handpick which emotions we feel not only cuts us off from our full humanity but confines us to living in the middle octave of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Of course, we humans aren\u2019t wired to embrace the low notes; those uncomfortable emotions which trigger vulnerability and wrench on heartstrings. We\u2019re wired for the exact opposite – to protect ourselves from pain. Busyness is the go-to avoidance strategy for many.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While I don\u2019t have a 6-step recipe for navigating life\u2019s hard moments, I\u2019ve done enough laps around the sun to know that avoiding them is not the answer. The avoidance of suffering is<\/em> a form of suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if you\u2019re currently facing a difficult situation, I hope these thoughts will help you navigate through it with more grace, courage, and self-compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Get off your own back<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

No one has it all together, all the time. Ironically enough, the people I\u2019ve met whom I consider the most \u2018together\u2019 are also most at peace with their own humanity, complete with the wild and wondrous sweep of emotions that form the human condition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In her bestselling book Positivity, Dr Barbara Fredrickson wrote \u201cNegative emotions are necessary for us to flourish.\u201d Fredrickson’s research found that instead of trying to eliminate negativity we are better served by cultivating more positive emotions. This begins with being kind to ourselves in our hardest moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As self-compassion researcher Dr Kristen Neff shared on my podcast<\/a> (ep. 12) \u201cgive yourself permission to be fully human.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feel your feelings, all the way through<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jim (name changed) was a client of mine who ran a large industrial business. Whenever I\u2019d ask him how he was feeling, he\u2019d always reply the same: \u201cNot bad.\u201d  Never great. Never lousy. Always \u2018not bad.\u2019 One day I asked what he might do if he gave himself permission to connect to his deepest feelings. \u201cI\u2019d probably cry,\u201d he replied, then added reflectively, \u201cbut I\u2019m not sure I\u2019d ever stop.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avoiding difficult emotions renders us a hostage to them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bill lived in the middle octave. Yet as he came to discover, the emotions we don\u2019t own will own us. In the same way, the avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering rendering us hostage to the very emotions we’re trying to avoid. It\u2019s why allowing yourself to feel all<\/em> your feelings, all the way through<\/em>, is a profound act of self-liberation.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, neuroanatomist Jill Bolte-Taylor found that fully \u2018feeling our feelings\u2019 loosens their grip and expands our bandwidth for life. So when uncomfortable emotions rise up, identify where they\u2019re showing up in your body (for me, it\u2019s often in my belly or chest). Breath into them. Feel them fully and then give them the space they\u2019re due. To quote Robert Frost: \u201cThe only way out is through.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Discern who you are from the emotions you feel<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Just as an ocean is not the waves, so too, who you are is not your emotions. When you can identify the emotions you\u2019re feeling as just that \u2013 emotions that you are feeling at a specific moment in time \u2013 it enables you to move through<\/em> them<\/em> rather than be consumed by<\/em> them<\/em>. For instance. I have been feeling sad today. <\/em>However, I\u2019m not a sad person.  <\/em>See the difference? By identifying and labeling your emotions it helps to keep you from over-identifying with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An emotion is something you feel. It is not<\/em> who you are.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Own your emotions lest they own you<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

As such our problems do not arise because we feel fear or anger or any array of negative emotions. Rather they arise because we allow our fear or anger etc to have us.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give your emotions the space they need to connect to your full humanity. Only then, like dark clouds in a stormy sky, can they pass on over, allowing the sun to once again shine through.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

No emotion is buried dead. As I share in this video I recorded in 2020, when people deny or dismiss difficult emotions, those emotions bury deeper where, left without a channel for expression, they fester and eventually resurface in toxic ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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