{"id":17430,"date":"2018-11-29T20:55:42","date_gmt":"2018-11-29T09:55:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/margiewarrellold.flywheelsites.com\/?p=17430"},"modified":"2018-11-29T20:55:42","modified_gmt":"2018-11-29T09:55:42","slug":"forge-your-own-path","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/margiewarrell.com\/forge-your-own-path\/","title":{"rendered":"Forge Your Own Path"},"content":{"rendered":"

Let’s face it, at some point in our lives, most of us find ourselves on a path we\u00a0no longer want to continue upon. Sometimes it can feel like we’ve got no other options. That’s rarely the case.\u00a0More often we just can’t see the options from where we currently stand. Australian businessman Warwick Fairfax’s experience of falling off the path for which he’d been groomed all his life holds compelling insights for anyone who\u00a0would like to wake up feeling inspired about their work, but doesn’t.<\/p>\n

Warwick was born into Australia\u2019s Fairfax media dynasty, which owned the cream of Australia\u2019s top newspapers, magazines, television and radio stations. His childhood was privileged on every measure, his parents hosting a steady stream of celebrities\u2014from Liberace to Kirk Douglas\u2014in their family home.<\/p>\n

After studying at Oxford, as his forefathers had done, and a stint on Wall Street, Warwick headed to Harvard to complete his MBA. When his father died during his final year at Harvard, the mantle fell to Warwick to safeguard the family business. So soon after graduating, he launched a bold multi-billion dollar take over to ward off corporate raiders. Failing to garner the support he\u2019d anticipated, the business was soon spiraling into debt. Within three years it was forced into bankruptcy and the Fairfax media dynasty, founded by Warwick\u2019s great-great-grandfather, was lost under his watch. Over that time, his face was blazoned across Australia\u2019s media countless times, headlines deriding his judgment, ridiculing his foolishness, and mocking his “silver spoon” upbringing.<\/p>\n

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A few years younger than Warwick, I also grew up in Australia. However, we shared little in common beyond that. My father milked cows for a living and we could not even afford to repair our television for several years. Also, unlike Warwick, no one in my family had ever attended university, much less Oxford. I was the first to get a degree. Yet while our early life journeys were vastly different, our paths crossed a few years ago while standing in a buffet line at a coaching conference in Washington D.C. \u00a0I had no idea who he was at the time. It was after we\u2019d shared lunch and exchanged business cards that I thought his name sounded vaguely familiar.<\/p>\n

We have continued to build our friendship and support each other\u2019s endeavors. This included my interviewing Warwick for\u00a0\u00a0my Live Brave\u00a0podcast<\/a>\u00a0where he recounted the emotionally torturous period during and after the demise of his family\u2019s business. He shared the shame and despair of feeling like he had utterly failed himself, his family, his forefathers, and even God, whom he had thought had divinely ordained him to return Fairfax Media to the values of its founding father.<\/p>\n

Picking up the pieces of his shattered self-image and life after a humiliatingly public failure took years. Yet it also taught Warwick invaluable lessons which he has\u00a0distilled into a philosophy\u00a0he calls “crucible leadership”\u00a0that comprises of\u00a0four building blocks to\u00a0creating a “life significance.”<\/p>\n

1. Embrace How You’ve Been Refined<\/h3>\n

It\u2019s often said that life doesn\u2019t happen\u00a0to\u00a0us, it happens\u00a0for\u00a0us. It’s our greatest hardships and heartaches that\u00a0often hold the most valuable lessons, helping us discover the mettle we\u2019re made of. Certainty our “crucible moments” can be painful. Yet they can become a catalyst for what is called \u201cpost-traumatic growth\u201d\u00a0\u2013 an experience of deep personal transformation that ultimately leads to a far more rewarding experience of life. In the aftermath of losing the family dynasty, Warwick did a lot of soul-searching. \u201cFor my whole life, I had prepared to take a leading position with the family company.\u00a0 What was I to do now?\u00a0 What purpose did my life have?\u201d he shared.<\/p>\n

His search for new purpose ultimately taught him about who he was, but perhaps even more importantly, about he was not. Of course, it\u2019s easy looking back on pivotal life experiences to see how the dots can connect. It\u2019s much harder, in the middle of the mess, to trust that they will. However, [inlinetweet prefix=”@margiewarrell ” tweeter=”” suffix=””]by\u00a0being willing to reflect on the learning a difficult experience holds, to confront the truth of our lives and any self-deception, we can use our adversities to hone our strengths[\/inlinetweet] and discover talents that may otherwise have lay dormant.<\/p>\n

2. Discover How You Were Designed<\/h3>\n

Just as we can uncover strengths in our moments of weakness\u2014when we feel most brought to our knees\u2014connect us to a higher purpose in our lives. In doing so,\u00a0our “crucible moments” can steer us toward a new course, and a higher cause, we may never have otherwise stumbled upon.<\/p>\n

From the moment he was born, Warwick had been groomed to be the savior of the family dynasty; the one who would restore Fairfax Media, and the Fairfax family, to its former glory. \u00a0But, as Warwick shared, \u201cThis was not my dream.\u201d Not only was it not\u00a0his\u00a0dream, but he didn\u2019t possess the personality, skills or judgment to succeed at it. \u201cI am not like Rupert Murdoch,\u201d he reflected. \u201cI don\u2019t like the spotlight, I don\u2019t like having to make fast decisions under pressure, I am just not wired as a take-charge, no-holds-barred chief executive. That was not my design.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Crucible Leadership: The Building Blocks of a Life of Significance<\/p><\/div>\n

3. Set Your Vision<\/h3>\n

\u201cYou cannot inherit a vision. I tried and failed,\u201d Warwick shared. Yet he\u2019s not alone in feeling the weight of pressure to pursue a path that others had decided for him. \u00a0As palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware wrote in\u00a0The Five Regrets of the Dying,\u00a0one of the biggest regrets people have at life’s end is that they lived the life others wanted for them, not the one they wanted for themselves.<\/p>\n

We are wired to belong and to avoid actions that risk causing disappointment or discord. It explains why so many people ‘live by\u00a0default’, taking the path of least resistance and optimal people pleasing – rather than living \u2018by design’, charting their own course toward whatever vision uniquely inspires them. In the video below I share the experience of climbing Mt Kilimanjaro with my husband and four teenage children. The key lesson: only when we dare to pursue a bold vision can we discover\u00a0and expand our potential for greater things.<\/p>\n

Out of the ashes of the failed vision Warwick inherited from his family, he gradually came to build a new one. His new vision aligned with his talents, personality, his passion\u00a0but also drew on the hard-won wisdom he\u2019d gained from his crucible experience. As an executive coach, leadership advisor and soon-to-be-author, he now does what he does best \u2013 to reflect deeply on issues, to guide others in pursuing their purpose, and to support the leadership of those who\u00a0do\u00a0wish to sit at the helm.<\/p>\n