Ever find yourself feeling resentful at\u00a0people for what they do… or fail to do?<\/p>\n
Perhaps\u00a0your boss just puts too much on your plate or doesn\u2019t pay you what you’re worth. Maybe\u00a0a co-worker, friend or family member continually oversteps boundaries, or\u00a0continually asks favors of you but never offers one in return.\u00a0Maybe the person who could open a door of opportunity for you\u00a0never makes the offer.<\/p>\n
Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, they actually don’t realize how what they are doing, or not doing, is\u00a0upsetting you?<\/p>\n
The reality is that other people will rarely care as much about our needs and desires as we do. And yet, when when those needs and desires aren’t being met or fulfilled we often fail to engage in the conversations needed to seek the changes we want.<\/p>\n
Overwhelm. Frustration. Resentment. Annoyance. If you are have found yourself wrestling with any of these emotions, chances are there’s a conversation you could be having that you aren’t. More specifically that there’s a request you could have been making that you haven’t.<\/p>\n
When you get clear about what you want and need, and are\u00a0brave enough to ask for it, you spare yourself a lot of emotional churn and expand your capacity to accomplish more. To help you in doing that, here are\u00a07 keys to help you take ownership for ensuring people know what you want. Experience has taught me that getting what you want correlates very highly with asking for it.<\/p>\n
1. Don\u2019t assume others are mind readers<\/strong> 2. Be bold in what you ask for (don’t dilute!)<\/strong> The reality is you will rarely, if ever, be given more than what you have the courage to ask for. So don\u2019t dilute your requests in order to minimize the possibility of being turned down. As I suggested in Stop Playing Safe<\/a>, \u201cThink about what your ideal outcome would be and then confidently, courageously, ask for it. Not in an entitled way. Not in an aggressive way. But in a way that conveys that you know your worth.\u201d<\/p>\n While you may not always get what you want (whether it be a pay raise or the corner office or the foreign assignment) you will nearly always end up with more than you would have received otherwise had you not been bold in your request.<\/p>\n
\nComplaining about your problems doesn\u2019t solve them. Whining about unmet needs won\u2019t fulfill them. Whether you want your colleague to communicate with you more often about a team project, or put you forward for a more senior role, it\u2019s crucial to be assertive in conveying what you want. We often assume our spouses, bosses, work colleagues and even our good friends can read our minds. So when they don\u2019t act as we\u2019d like, we wind up hurt and upset. For any relationship to thrive, both parties have to take responsibility for clearly communicating their needs.<\/p>\n
\nMy friend Sara James, Grammy award winning foreign correspondent shared with me in our interview for RawCourage.tv<\/a> below how she landed her big career break only after she dared to risk a big rejection from her producers at NBC.<\/p>\n