Not accomplished enough.
\nNot attractive enough.
\nNot disciplined enough.
\nNot successful\u00a0enough.
\nNot smart enough.
\nNot wealthy enough.
\nNot worthy enough.<\/p>\n
Not _____ enough (fill in the blank!)<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n When you’re constantly comparing yourself\u00a0with others, it leaves you on\u00a0a ‘comparison\u00a0treadmill.’ \u00a0The problem is that this treadmill has only one setting, and that is to keep\u00a0ratcheting up the speed so that\u00a0no matter how hard\u00a0you push yourself or desperately you try, it\u2019s never enough. E-v-e-e-e-r.<\/em><\/p>\n The moment\u00a0you stop comparing and competing, you win!<\/strong> <\/p>\n The truth is that if how you feel about yourself is determined by how you rate yourself against others, then you\u2019ll never feel good for very long because there\u2019ll always be someone doing better than you on some measure. <\/span>Always<\/em>.<\/span><\/p>\n The irony is that the moment you stop comparing, is the moment you win. Because as long as you think winning in life is about being better or having more than others, your comparisons hold your happiness hostage. Comparing yourself to others is a race you can never win!<\/strong><\/p>\n Which begs the question: How can you get off the treadmill of ‘negative comparisons’\u00a0\u00a0and redirect your attention\u00a0from beating up on yourself to bettering your future? \u00a0Here\u2019s a few suggestions.<\/p>\n You may think you\u2019re the only person who ever struggles with feeling like you\u2019re constantly\u00a0falling short of exp<\/p>\n ectations \u2013 particularly your own. But the truth is that many people have made self criticism an art form, habitually focusing on what they haven\u2019t done as well as they’d like\u00a0rather than on all that they have.<\/p>\n Just imagine the difference it would make if you focused on what you did<\/em> do well? Imagine how much better you could channel your energy if you weren\u2019t always pulling yourself down and making yourself wrong.<\/p>\n Likewise, don\u2019t beat up on yourself when you do catch yourself making comparisons. That only fans the \u201cI\u2019m not enough\u201d flames higher! Instead try being kinder to yourself, accepting your own humanity, fallibility and vulnerability. The added bonus of doing that is it makes you more forgiving of others failings too!<\/p>\n Recognize your biases<\/strong> So whenever you notice yourself comparing (a vital first step), take a moment to remind yourself that you are good enough just as you are, even if you don\u2019t have something you see in those around you (business success, academic credentials, home-to-die-for, hot body, celebrity-social-life\u00a0or high\u2013achieving kids). They are very likely looking at something you have or do well, and wishing they did too! Seriously!<\/p>\n http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=tYODPJ12PCM<\/p>\n Avoid your triggers <\/strong> Focus on your own progress<\/strong> We all have our own fears to conquer, burden\u00a0to carry\u00a0and paths to forge. So run your own race and let others run theirs. The rest will take care of itself.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Admit your envy<\/strong> Not only that, but by having the courage to confide to the person you\u2019re actually envious of, you can forge bonds in ways harboring hidden envy never can.<\/p>\n Many times after I\u2019ve laid my pride on the line and shared\u00a0my envy to someone they\u2019ve reciprocated by sharing the \u2018underbelly\u2019 of their success. \u201cI work out two hours a day,\u201d said the woman with the amazing body during my recent beach holiday in\u00a0Bali\u00a0after I complimented her on how fabulous she looked. Other times they will share something they admire about me (which, of course, I just hate.)\u00a0By being honest with ourselves and open with others we get present\u00a0to\u00a0the futility of our comparisons and the gifts in each other.<\/p>\n\n
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<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n![\"Negative-Comparisons-1030x1030\"](\"https:\/\/margiewarrell.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/Negative-Comparisons-1030x10301-500x500.jpg\")
Get off your own back<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nI’ve spent a lot of time on the beach over the years but only recently did I realize that\u00a0I\u00a0only ever compare myself stomach \u00a0(the part of my body I’ve found the hardest to love!)\u00a0to that of other female beach goers.\u00a0The fact that I’ve not compared my\u00a0body parts that I do like\u00a0points to a bias most people\u00a0make. That is, we tend to compare our weaknesses<\/em> with others strengths<\/em>; our insides<\/em> with others outsides<\/em>; what you haven’t<\/em> accomplished with what others have <\/em>(including\u00a0people who have a huge headstart on you!); and what we don\u2019t<\/em> have with what other people do!<\/i><\/p>\n
\nA\u00a0growing body of research has shown\u00a0that social media networks such as Facebook and Instagram can trigger depression as people\u00a0compare their lives with those of their increasingly expansive online network of \u2018friends.\u2019 But\u00a0just as we can add filters to the photos\u00a0we post, most of us filter the reality we share – highlighting the good and leaving out the not-so-pretty bits. (Last week I posted some photos\u00a0celebrating my 22nd wedding anniversary. I can assure you not every day of those 22 years were blissful, but I wasn’t going to highlight that fact!) So if scrolling down your Facebook feed only makes you feel miserable about yourself, then do yourself a really big favor and log off, better still, \u00a0take a social media sabbatical. It may\u00a0be incredibly liberating!<\/p>\n
\nResearch shows that the happiest people aren\u2019t those who only make positive comparisons with others. They are those who don\u2019t make any!<\/em> What they do instead is focus their efforts to improving themselves. Just imagine the difference it would make if you re-channeled all the energy you’ve expended comparing yourself with bettering yourself? You are your ultimate frame of reference, so track yourself against yourself. Are you fitter than you<\/em>\u00a0used to be? Are you budgeting better than you<\/em> used to? Are you spending more time doing things you enjoy\u00a0than you<\/em> used to? Are you making progress toward your<\/em>\u00a0goals?<\/p>\n\n
\nEmotions that we don\u2019t own, will own us. So if you\u2019re wrestling with the green monster, the best way to loosen its grip is to acknowledge and verbalize it. Sure, you may feel a little foolish admitting that you\u2019re jealous of someone else\u2019s success, talents or attributes but having the courage to admit it\u00a0can be liberating!<\/p>\n