Albert Einstein once said that our problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking at which they were created. It\u2019s a powerful quote because, let\u2019s face it, life is one long stream of \u201cproblems.\u201d And in our increasingly uncertain and pressure-laden lives, building the resilience to handle them well is increasingly indispensible.<\/p>\n
Of course, some people seem to be covered with \u2018Psychological Teflon\u2019 \u2013 always cool in crisis and able to take any size challenge in their stride. But none are. Resilience doesn\u2019t come from some \u2018tough gene\u2019 that only few are endowed with. It\u2019s something each of us can build and strengthen at any age by consciously engaging in \u2018resilience-building\u2019 reframes and rituals that expand our capacity for life and enable us to process our circumstances in the most constructive and courageous ways.\u00a0I share five below (though you can read more in all\u00a0of my books<\/a>.)<\/p>\n http:\/\/youtu.be\/X8-uedBh6I4<\/p>\n Rethink Stress<\/strong><\/p>\n Stress often gets a bad rap, as though it\u2019s something to be avoided. But stress is not the enemy. It\u2019s stressful thinking we need to be vigilant about. That is, it\u2019s how we interpret events and what we tell ourselves about our circumstances \u2013 from client deadlines to difficult people – that triggers our stress response far more than the circumstances themselves.<\/p>\n There\u2019s a very distinct difference between having big problems and making problems big (and unnecessarily stressful.) The irony is that talking about how much stress you\u2019re feeling only amplifies your stress levels. Then as your stress barometer goes up, your ability to cope with other events (and find your keys!) goes down, and the toll on your body, health, work, relationships and life mounts! It\u2019s a vicious cycle.<\/p>\n So rather than focus on the event itself, focus on how you are processing it. What is it about how you’re thinking about that’s creating the stress? How could you process it better?<\/p>\n \u00a0Mastery of life is not the absence of problems; it\u2019s mastery of problems.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Give up your fight with reality<\/strong><\/p>\n Yale Psychologist Charles Morgan found that people who embrace adversity as a natural part of living are less likely to exhibit symptoms of PTSD and more likely to experience what is called \u2018post traumatic growth.\u2019<\/p>\n The reality of life is that people we love sometimes fall ill, the best laid plans fall apart, promises get broken, curve balls hit us from nowhere and sometimes, despite our best intentions and efforts, we fail to create the outcomes we want.<\/p>\n Such is life.<\/p>\n Mastery of life is not the absence of problems; it\u2019s mastery of problems. Fighting against what you cannot change is a waste of energy that could be far better channeled toward improving what you can.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Invest in rituals to renew and recharge<\/strong><\/p>\n Resilience is far less about what you have, than what you do. Just as a car that gets regular tune ups goes further on less gas and handles slippery roads better, so too you\u2019ll handle life better when you invest in rituals that enable you to reconnect to what matters most, reframe the \u2018small stuff\u2019 and recharge your batteries \u2013 body, mind and spirit.<\/p>\n Needless to say, there is overwhelming evidence that shows that people who regularly unplug and disengage to \u2018sharpen their saw\u2019 are far more effective and productive than those who tell themselves they\u2019re too to indulge in such \u2018unproductive\u2019 pursuits.\u00a0\u00a0 For instance, regular exercise has been proven to increase cognitive speed, improve sleep quality and stamina. Likewise, taking a long bath or listening to music can be a smart investment of time as it helps to restore calm, reframe the small stuff and shift perspective onto what matters most.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Focus on what you can<\/em> do<\/strong><\/p>\n We cannot solve our problems by complaining about them yet too often people waste inordinate amounts of energy doing just that. In my latest book Brave<\/a> I wrote about the day I sat beside my brother Frank in a spinal unit as the consulting surgeon told him he would never walk again following an injury from a bike accident. As he processed the brutal prognosis, he looked over at me and declared that he would not give his injury the power to ruin his life. \u2018There may be 5,000 things I cannot do any more but there are 10,000 I still can and I want to do them all.\u201d Seven years on and I am happy to report he\u2019s well on his way!<\/p>\n But too often those of us whose legs work perfectly well spend far too much time stuck in \u2018mental wheelchairs\u2019 focused on what we can\u2019t<\/em> do or what we don\u2019t<\/em> have or what isn\u2019t<\/em> right, rather than on using the resources we do<\/em> have to make things better, grateful for all that is right<\/em> in our world.<\/p>\n Whatever you put your attention amplifies in your reality. So focus it on things that put you in the drivers seat; on whatever you can do to make things better.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Reach out for support<\/strong><\/p>\n Studies show that people with a strong support network not only handle adversity better, but emerge from it better off. Yet often when the chips our down, or we\u2019re just going through a tough patch, our tendency is to withdraw from the very people who would most love to help us. We hate to appear weak or needy and most people are loathe to want to put others out at their expense.<\/p>\n It takes courage to confide in friends, share a struggle and simply to ask for help. But it\u2019s through revealing our vulnerability that we connect most deeply with others and in doing so, help them to be more open with us as well. I know over the years that the strongest bonds I\u2019ve forged with people have not been when life was easy, but when it was tough. So don\u2019t deprive others of the opportunity to help you. It enriches their lives as much as it does your own.<\/p>\n It\u2019s easy to believe that life would be easier and more fun if all the things we called problems didn\u2019t exist. But the truth is that it\u2019s in learning how to handle our \u2018problems\u2019 and rising above adversity that we learn the most about ourselves and tap into resources that would have otherwise remained\u00a0dormant.<\/p>\n So before you start thinking about all the problems you wish you didn\u2019t have consider that maybe your problems \u2013 from that difficult client. to your daily juggling act, to that encroaching deadline \u2013 are not the problem. Maybe you are exactly where you need to be to learn what you need to learn to grow your \u2018muscles for life,\u2019 your wisdom to live it more deeply and your mastery of the challenges that still lie ahead.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n Albert Einstein once said that our problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking at which they were created. It\u2019s a powerful quote because, let\u2019s face it, life is one long stream of \u201cproblems.\u201d And in our increasingly uncertain and pressure-laden lives, building the resilience to handle them well is increasingly indispensible. 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