Yesterday my 15-year-old daughter Maddy emailed me to say she’d just received a rejection letter from McDonald’s where she’d applied for part time work. She was feeling deflated.
I emailed her right back. “Maccas Shmaccas,” I said. “One day you’ll look back on this and laugh. I promise!” Of course I understood her disappointment. But I’ve not one iota of doubt that she’ll find a part time job if she sticks at it. Call me biased, but Maddy isn’t only extremely personable, she’s just an all round fabulous young woman. Who wouldn’t want to employ her?! Maccas Shmaccas indeed!
Maddy’s experience bought to mind some of my own experiences of rejection. I’ve had my share. No doubt you have too. Who hasn’t?! But while it’s hard not to feel some sting at times, it’s vital not to let fear of future rejection keep you from putting yourself ‘out there’ and risking more of it.
The most successful people I’ve met have risked rejection time and time again. What they haven’t done is misinterpreted someone else’s subjective assessment of them to mean anything about their own worthiness. Rather they’ve used their knock backs to fine tune what they were offering or polish how they offered it (e.g. interview skills).
Turn your ‘rejections’ into stepping-stones that take you closer to your goals.
It’s simple arithmetic really. The more often you put yourself out there, the better your odds of achieving what you want. I must have submitted my first book Find Your Courage to over 30 publishers before I finally landed one. It’s now in 6 languages. As my dad always says, ‘You’ve got to be in it to win it’.
By refusing to get sucked into negative comparisons, blame, self-rebuke and self-pity you can turn your ‘rejections’ into stepping-stones that take you closer to your goals. Sadly though, too many talented people spend their lives avoiding the possibility of rejection (or criticism or failure). It’s not the rejection itself that they fear, it’s what they make it mean — that they aren’t attractive enough, clever enough, good enough, lovable enough. It means none of that!
I dedicated a chapter to just this topic in Brave because it’s such an important one. I mean, just imagine the possibilities that would open up for you if you embraced the mindset that risking rejection is crucial to achieving success in your work, relationships and life!
This weekend Maddy will be applying for more jobs. What about you? I dare you to risk being rejected more often—not to injure your pride, but to expand your possibilities. Isn’t that worth the occasional sting?
Upcoming Public Events:
It’s shaping up to be a busy year with four trips now booked to speak at events in the USA and dozens around Australia. Here’s a few that are open to the public – would love to see you at one of them!
April 22: Brave Night Out in Melbourne. Join us for a sensational evening of fine dining and inspiring conversation at the award-winning Bellota. (3 courses, wine and book included!)
May 3rd: Ladies Luncheon in Virginia, USA. Details coming soon.
May 13th: Brave Night Out in Sydney. Join us for wonderful food, wine & conversations on courage at Prince Wine Store.
Great article Margie. I’ve just applied for a new job. It’s a stretch and chances are I won’t get it. But for the last two years I’ve been miserable in my job but too scared to do anything about it for fear I’ll end up worse off than before. Reading your new book Brave has helped me to see that Im’ being really powerless and, let’s admit it, pathetic and cowardly.
So thanks for the inspiration and encouragement to just put myself “out there”, Honestly sometimes we need reminding to be brave.
Keep up the great work.
Lucy, Brisbane
Hi Lucy,
Thank you for your comment. So glad to see that Brave is already helping fulfill the promise of its title.
Good luck on your job hunt. Not that you need luck. You really just need to keep putting yourself out there, showing your enthusiasm and persisting!
Whatever you do, don’t take any rejections along the way as personal. Rather treat them as stepping stones!
All the best and do stay in touch,
Margie
Hi Margie,
At school we’re having a massive Musical which is The Little Mermaid and I didn’t get a leardership role for the year so I really wanted a good part, since performing is the thing I most love doing and is my strength. I REALLY wanted Ariel but I ended up getting a mersister (another featured role) and I was a bit dissapointed about not getting the exact part, but happy that I got a part at all, and very positive. But a couple of days ago, two girls started picking on me and the part that I got, making me feel really bad about myself and bad about my role and I felt embarressed and upset because I really thought I got a good part and I was trying my hardest to be really happy with it. The saddest part is, I thought they were my friends and would congratulate me and be kind instead of trying to suck out the happiness that I was feeling at the time.
Thank you for teaching me how to live with regection, (not getting Ariel) and not taking it personally (which I did because I thought the teacher didn’t like me who was casting the roles). It’s fine if you don’t do this, but I would love if you did an article about making mistakes, because I know for a facts that a lot of people struggle with it, including me. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your comment Astrid. I’m sorry these girls you thought were your friends, were unkind to you. Just remember when people act that way, it says far more about them than it does about you. Who knows, perhaps they were jealous they didn’t get a role as good as yours?!
I know its hard not to take things to heart – whether friends let us down or we don’t get the recognition or results we want. Just keep focused forward, doing the best job you can and remember that in the long haul, your persistence and positive outlook will pay off.
Margie