Alas, I never felt the calling.

I share this story, amusing as it is, because my parent’s vision for me was confined by the horizons of their own lives. In the same way, the vision we hold for ourselves is often also confined by what we think is possible. We simply don’t know what we don’t know. 

We are all shaped by our environments; unconsciously taking on the expectations, norms, beliefs and biases of those around us. When it comes to gender, there are many. For instance, women are more likely to be labelled bossy for acting with equal assertiveness as the men around them yet showing compassion and sensitivity to the feelings of others makes them perceived as ‘less leaderlike’.

Even well-meaning parents can unconsciously hem in their daughters. For instance, parents of boys are more likely to see their sons being successful tech entrepreneurs than their daughters. They’re also more likely to praise their sons for being strong and daughters for being sweet. Gender bias starts early and runs deep, permeating into our psyche in profound yet invisible ways.

And so on this International Women’s Day, I want to share a few thoughts about how we can take-up the #ChooseToChallenge. So if you are a female leader (or aspire to be one), here are three ways you can embrace the theme of this year’s International Women’s Day. And if you’re a male champion for women, consider how you can encourage the women in your orbit to back themselves more, and doubt themselves less. After all, this is not a zero-sum game. As research by McKinsey has found, when more women are seated at decision-making tables, better decisions are made for the benefit of all stakeholders. When women rise, we all rise!

-1- Challenge the doubts that fuel a sense of inadequacy

While not all women lack confidence, many do. The tendency women have to underestimate their abilities and not internalize their strengths has led to what’s been coined the ‘gender confidence gap’.

Hewlett-Packard found that where their male employees were comfortable applying for a job with only 6 or the 10 ideal candidate attributes their female employees wanted to put a big tick in all ten boxes. This contrast shows just how more harshly women can judge their abilities which, in turn, makes them more reticent to put themselves out there. 

Many factors contribute to why women tend to doubt themselves more and back themselves less. Fewer strong female role models and sponsors are but two of them. Yet as I wrote in You’ve Got This!, we cannot wait for confidence before we put our hat in the ring or put ourselves out there toward our boldest ambitions. Only by daring to challenge the negative noises in our head, those critical voices urging us to think small and play safe, can we ever discover how little reason we had to believe them.

-2- Challenge other people’s limiting labels and beliefs

Students at Columbia Business School were presented with a case study of a successful Silicon Valley venture capitalist. The students were given the same data except for one difference – the gender. Half of the class were told the ambitious entrepreneur’s name was Howard and the other half were told it was Heidi. They then asked the students of their opinions on either Heidi or Howard. 

While there was consensus that both that both were equally competent, Heidi was seen as selfish, and not “the type of person you would want to hire or work for.” The study found that “the more assertive a student found the female venture capitalist to be, the more they rejected her.” Women must content with a negative correlation between power and success that men do not. This isn’t an impossible obstacle. But it makes the going harder and the climb steeper for women and the going harder as women have to deal with more complexity in juggling pressures, expectations and perceptions.

Over the years I’ve been asked countless times, “How do you manage a career and four kids?” Yet my husband Andrew has never been asked. Not once.

The only way to reconstruct the gendered mental maps that constrict what we see as possible for ourselves – or other women – is by challenging them and defying the doubts they fuel. As Vice President Harris said after being elected the first-ever Madam Vice President of the United States:

“Dream with ambition. Lead with conviction. And see yourself in a way that others might not see you, simply because they’ve never seen it before.”

-3- Challenge more women to back themselves, more often

It’s easy to underestimate the power of a few words of encouragement. They take little to give yet can make all the difference in critical moments. It’s why it is so important to proactively go out of your way to lift other women up – to challenge how they see themselves, how they speak about themselves, and what they see as possible for themselves. 

After negatively comparing my own media platform with Oprah’s after following a podcast interview I did with Presidential Candidate Marianne Williamson, she looked me square in the eye and said something that’s stuck: 

 There is nothing holy in diminishing yourself.

It’s true. There is nothing helpful in talking ourselves down. As I wrote in You’ve Got This! “Words hold power. What we say about ourselves, and others, is generative as well as descriptive.”

So next time you hear a woman talking herself down, focusing on what she hasn’t done, minimizing all that she has, or simply deflecting a compliment, even sarcastically, draw her attention to it. (This probably won’t take long since most women I know struggle to accept a compliment.) 

Power has no gender, yet our mental template for power is intrinsically masculine. So challenge other women when they disempower themselves. 

As I stated above, helping women to advance is not a zero-sum game whereby the rise of one is a fall of another. Rather it’s about creating an equal partnership that harnesses the full value of diversity, in all its forms; embracing feminine leadership strengths – empathy, compassion, and the affiliative use of power – as every bit as valuable as traditional male strengths.  

After all, our greatest strength doesn’t flow from everyone thinking and acting alike but from what sets us apart. 

How will you choose to challenge?

Be brave!

What I had no idea about at the time was what a powerful experience it would be to connect with other women from across the Asia-Pacific region who share my passion for supporting women and bringing down the barriers that still hold so many women back.

Of course, over the last year, we’ve seen a huge rally cry for the advancement – and against the harassment – of women. Yet the #metoo movement was more than just a global reckoning against harassment; it was a declaration to close the vast chasm that still exists for women the world over to feel as safe as men and as capable of achieving their ambitions and fulfilling their own potential.

While there’s been massive progress for women over the last fifty years, the most recent Global Gender Gap Report still predicts gender parity is 200 years away. Yes, 200, not 20. That’s a very long time!

It’s why we have to support collective activism with personal activism. This means having the courage to challenge our own thinking and by default, the actions we are taking to #press for progress – the theme of this year’s International Women’s Day. So here are four ways to help you do just that:

1. Challenge how you see yourself

Born in rural Australia, neither of my two grandmothers ever owned property, drove a car or finished high school. No doubt they could hardly have imagined my life today and the freedom I enjoy to pursue a career while raising children. Needless to say, most western women enjoy more opportunity that their own mothers ever had.

Yet the disempowerment of the generations before us has been passed down into our collective psyche and many women unwittingly buy into the belief that we cannot be change-makers, at least not on the same scale as men, or a least not without making far greater trade-offs. Little wonder that by the age of six, girls are less likely to see themselves as future leaders than boys their same age.

Entrenched norms begin early and keep shaping how we perceive ourselves right into our adult lives. A study by KPMG found that where men often overvalue their strengths, women too frequently undervalue theirs. In line with this, while two-thirds of the professional and college-age women in the study expressed a desire to become a senior leader, only 40% could consistently envision themselves one. I could go on with more stats, but you get my point.

While this ‘belief gap’ cannot be closed overnight, it will never be bridged if women wait until they feel equally as confident as men before they start acting that way. My challenge to women: run a little experiment with yourself. Just for a day go about your work as a self-assured woman to be reckoned with; capable of adding extraordinary value and leading bold change. Notice what possibilities open up. Observe how it shifts your interactions. Then tomorrow, do the same.

2. Own what makes you different

If women were supposed to act like men, we’d have been created that way. Our greatest value lays in what makes us different. Too often though women buy into the misguided belief that they have to dial up their masculinity to be ‘more like the guys’ to get ahead in a man’s world. Not true.

You are at your most powerful when you are not trying to please or impress or win approval, but when you are 100% fully yourself!

Only when we authentically embrace all of who we are and bring the full quota of our feminine leadership strengths to the table – compassion, interpersonal sensitivity, collaboration – will the decisions made there produce optimal outcomes. Diversity is invaluable so don’t dial down what sets you apart; embrace it.

3. Be the cheerleader you’d love to have

At my recent Live Brave Day in Singapore, I asked attendees to do a little exercise where they had to ‘acknowledge’ another person. At the end of the day, many said it was one of the most powerful and moving parts of their day which just speaks to how hungry so many women (and men) are for a word words of encouragement and acknowledgement; to be recognized for who we are and how hard we try.

Achieving our full potential and bringing our ‘best selves’ to the game of life isn’t a solo endeavour. As I wrote in a recent blog post, we are at our best when we have others cheering us on – supporting us, connecting us, challenging us, believing in us and acknowledging the effort we’re putting in.

All around you right now there are women who are doubting if they have what it takes to stay the course toward their boldest goals… or just to keep their head above water.

Get behind them.

Make them feel heard. Point out their talents. Acknowledge their effort. Celebrate their wins, of every size. Encourage their dreams. Challenge their doubts. Reframe their failures. Most of all, let them know they’re not alone and that you’ve got their back.

We can do more and advance faster when we know there are people who believe in us even when we sometimes don’t believe in ourselves. So lift as you climb.

4. Work with men, not against them.

Last but not least, let’s not sideline, exclude or vilify men for the same crime that has penalized women for so long: their gender. Many men I encounter truly want to support women, but often they’re simply unsure how.

So let’s practice true ‘inclusion’. Talk to the men in your world about what you care about. Confide your challenges. Seek their guidance. Enlist their support with specific requests. Share your daily wrestling match with self-doubt or mothers guilt. But don’t forget to ask them how they feel and try to see through their eyes.

It’s wrong to assume wrong that men have it all easy. They don’t. Research shows that men feel incredible pressure to conform to hyper-masculine norms and struggle in their own way with expressing themselves authentically, balancing priorities and revealing vulnerability. Creating meaningful change, at the societal level, will require a collaborative effort. So, we women must employ feminine strengths to build it.

Of course, there are many factors—like inflexible workplace policies, unconscious bias and entrenched gender norms—that contribute to what’s known as the ‘gender gap’. However, one of the biggest challenges women face is simply believing in themselves and owning their own personal agency to affect change—in themselves, in their workplaces, communities and the world at large.

Part of what lays beneath this is a deep sense of inadequacy; a constant feeling that we need to be more of something in order to be enough.

Not successful enough… organized enough…confident enough… slim enough… talented enough… experienced enough… thoughtful enough… capable enough. If you’re like many women I meet, you’re probably pretty tough on yourself and often focus on what you haven’t done, or didn’t totally nail, versus all that you have done and did nail!

Many women can be exceptionally self-critical; often far harder on themselves than on anyone else. If you relate, you’re not alone. In fact, you’re in the company of a legion of amazing women who often feel they don’t measure up on some parameter.

Let’s face it, we live in a society that bombards us 24/7 with messages, urging us to live up to idealised images of success, brilliance, beauty and ‘got-it-all-togetherness’. And while most women intellectually understand that no one can be at their best all the time, we are masters at using our fallen moments as a baton to beat up on ourselves. (If you’re a working mother, double it!).

It’s why the best self-help must always begin with self-compassion; accepting that no matter how hard we may try to be forever generous-spirited or brave-hearted or ‘insert-virtue-here’, we will inevitably fall short.

And that’s okay.

Research has found that it’s not self-esteem or optimism that helps people handle life’s challenges best, it’s self-compassion. As counter-intuitive as it may sound, when we are kinder to ourselves, embracing our fallibility and accepting our flaws, we don’t lower the bar and retreat to our couch to binge on ice cream. In fact, just the opposite! We expand our capacity for action, deepen our connections and recover faster from hardships and heartaches.

So if you often feel like you are not measuring up and have grown a little (or a lot) jaded by the endless advice on how to be your best self, my best advice (yes, no irony lost there) is to [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”margiewarrell” suffix=””]cut yourself some slack, get off your own back and give yourself permission to be fabulous and fallible, innately worthy and wholly imperfect[/inlinetweet]…. all at the same time!

My last six months have been fertile ground for practicing self-compassion and embracing my own fallibility. During that time, I’ve packed up my life in Australia—teenage children in tow—and replanted in Singapore. Let me assure you, I’ve had more than my usual share of fallen and ‘uncomposed’ moments where I’ve felt anything but my best self.

Yet, as challenging as some days have been (and there’s been many), I’ve come to appreciate that our greatest growth and deepest fulfillment doesn’t flow from the parts of us that are flawless or the times when life is easy. Rather, it flows from the parts of us that we’ve been wrestling with our entire life; the vulnerable parts that dial up a notch or ten when plans go awry or life presses in on us (like moving country with teens). It is embracing our raw moments that make us real, relatable and allow us to forge the most authentic connections with others.

Life has taught me that we are not so much human beings as human becomings. It’s in the space of giving up on perfection that we open a window to a deeper dimension of living in which we can experience more moments of genuine joy, connection, gratitude and fulfillment.

Just imagine what possibilities could open up for you if, every day (or just as often as you can manage it), you stepped out into the world with the deep knowing that you don’t have to be more or less of anything in order to be enough — to be ready enough, good enough, successful enough, smart enough, worthy enough.

Imagine, if instead of continually striving to be the woman you think you should be, you embraced the innate adequacy of the woman you already are?

As the most pressing problems in our world seem to grow larger and we get behind the call to #PressForProgress, it’s vital that we women stop talking ourselves down and waiting until we feel we are ready enough, deserving enough, brave enough, worthy enough, before we dare to try. Because, as I wrote in Make Your Mark: A Guidebook for the Brave Hearted:

“It is by being as kind to ourselves as we are to others that we can liberate ourselves of the perpetual need to impress or prove or please and unlock our potential to make our unique mark in our workplace and the world.”

So this International Women’s Day (and every day thereafter) – [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”margiewarrell” suffix=””]dare to engage in the world around you from a place of sufficiency and worthiness[/inlinetweet]. Because when you embrace your humanity and choose to show up as the flawsome human becoming that you are, you give other women permission to do the same.

What greater gift there is?

As human beings, we are innately social creatures. Accordingly, we are at our very best when we feel a sense of belonging and are deeply connected to other people.

But not just to any people. To people who bring out our best and when life knocks us down, help us pick ourselves back up. Perhaps loaning a shoulder to cry on or just making us laugh along the way.

Hopefully, you already have people like that in your life. They are people you feel safe to share your struggles, your secrets and setbacks with. People whom you can share your dreams with and who will also help hold your feet to the fire in their pursuit. People you can count on to tell you the truth, gently, even when it’s hard to hear. People you can trust. Deeply.

The people you surround yourself with either raise or lower your standards; shrink or expand your expectations; broaden or narrow your thinking, boost or dampen your confidence. They will either help to bring out the best that is within you or keep you from ever knowing who you can be.

Nobody becomes great on their own, it’s the people they surround themselves with who help them to grow into their full brilliance. Which begs the question:

So… who are you surrounding yourself with?

Below are three of the things you can do which I shared in Make Your Mark: A Guidebook for the Brave Hearted that will help you build the kind of tribe you need to thrive on your journey through life. Just beware: they’ll each require you to be brave in some way.

Be Someone People Like To Be Around

Your vibe attracts your tribe. Creating an uplifting community begins by showing up as the kind of person you want to attract into your orbit. And because you want to attract people who are positive and proactive in their own lives, you need to be positive and proactive in your own. After all, how you ‘show up’ in the world will impact who ‘shows up’ in yours.

Constantly complaining won’t attract go-getters. Forever worried about what everyone thinks of you won’t attract free spirits. Being perpetually terrified of things going wrong won’t win the friendship of trailblazers. Being frugal with your money and tight with your time won’t attract big-hearted people who live from abundance—or it might, but they won’t hang around for long.

However, if you’re committed to living authentically, speaking truthfully and elevating the spirits of those around you, you will build the rich and rewarding relationships you yearn for most. Because without truth and authenticity, no relationship worth its salt can stand the test of time.

Beware Of ‘Habit Friends’

Do you have a friend you catch up with because, well, you think you ‘should’? One that, when they cancel at the last minute, makes you sigh with relief and sing Hallelujah? If so, it’s a sign—that person is someone you’ve outgrown and you’re hanging onto the relationship for the wrong reasons: you’re afraid to cut ties and move on.

If you’re committed to living an extraordinary life, it’s inevitable that at some point you’ll outgrow some of the relationships you make along the way. That doesn’t mean you don’t care about the people you’ve shared a season of your life with. Perhaps many. It simply means that continuing to spend more time with them—out of guilt or habit or fear of social retribution—is limiting your future growth and success.

If you can’t share your ‘wins’ with people around you because you sense they don’t care or won’t celebrate them, then you need to find people who will. Whatever you do, don’t dial yourself down to lift others up. Downplaying your achievements and downsizing your goals so as not to intimidate people doesn’t serve anyone. You will never be able to appease those people who measure their own worth based on the success of others.

So if the people in your tribe right now aren’t pulling for you, it may be a sign that it’s time to create space for people who will. As I wrote in Stop Playing Safe, staying in relationships that keep you from blossoming doesn’t serve anyone (including those you’ve outgrown). Sometimes you’ve got to ‘prune your [relationship] tree’ to create space for better relationships to grow.

Hang Out Where The Cool People Hang Out

Last year, I was invited to spend a week on Necker Island with Richard Branson and a host of other big thinking entrepreneurs and leaders from across the globe. The timing wasn’t great with my four kids all on school holidays and my husband traveling with his work, but I knew that quite apart from meeting Sir Richard Branson, I would get to spend time with a host of people who would almost certainly challenge my own thinking. So I said yes and decided I’d figure out the logistics later.

I’m so glad I did. Sure meeting and one of the world’s most iconic entrepreneurs, was incredibly inspiring. But the other people I met, several who had built companies worth many hundreds of millions of dollars, expanded my thinking, clarified my vision and reignited my passion. Big time. It also affirmed my belief that while amazing people may serendipitously walk into our lives, we also have to do our bit to land ourselves in theirs’.

So figure out where the kind of people you want to hang out with hang out and put yourself in their orbit. Join a group of people who share a common interest, attend a conference, join a service trip for people who are committed to a shared cause. The more time you spend in places that have the kind of conversations about the things that matter to you, the more people you’ll meet who will matter also.

In the end, you change your tribe and your tribe changes you. Either way, make sure it’s for the better. Your life is too short and your gifts to precious to settle for less than the biggest life you are capable of living.

We are women. Hear us roar.

Some days.

Other days, not so much.

In fact, there’s a lot of days that we spend a large majority of time second guessing our decisions, questioning our value, beating ourselves up or talking ourselves down.

Too many actually.

I know this to be true because not only have I spent far too much time doing it myself but nearly every day I talk to other women who are doing the same.

We work so hard to do a great job and keep people happy and scale the high bar we set for ourselves yet we continually feel like we’re falling short on some measure; that we’re just not ‘enough’ in some way.

Smart enough.
Accomplished enough.
Organised enough.
Strong enough.
Disciplined enough.
Assertive enough.
Thoughtful enough.
Strategic enough.
Present enough.
Masterful enough.

We spin plates. We juggle balls. We move mountains. Yet there’s often a little voice in our heads critiquing what we haven’t yet done or didn’t do… not well enough anyway.

In my Facebook Live video message this morning I shared how it’s my experience that we women, as fabulous and amazing as we are, tend to doubt ourselves too much and back ourselves too little. Certainly less than the equally wonderful men we work, raise and share our lives with.

As Kathy Calvin, President and CEO of the United Nations Foundation, shared with me during our conversation at UNF Headquarters, of all the barriers that women still have to deal with in the workplace and the world, the biggest one is in our own heads.

“We women hold ourselves back. We think we aren’t experienced enough when in fact we are,” she said to me as she shared how she has overcome her own personal wrestling match with self-doubt over the years.

Firstly, we think we don’t have enough qualifications. Where a man will apply for a job if he thinks he has 3 out of 10 requirements, a woman won’t put herself forward unless she has at least seven (if not all ten). Oprah’s recent comments about having never considered running for President because she’d never held public office are a great example. She was right, she has never held a position of elected power. But neither had the current President until now. I doubt very much that Donald Trump’s lack of experience as an elected official was ever more than a passing consideration.

Secondly, we hold back from putting ourselves forward for fear of ruffling feathers or losing face. As natural caretakers, we’re loathe to hurt feelings or come across as too pushy or forceful. So too often we decide to say nothing. It feels safer and in the short term it is, but it also keeps us from sharing the value we have to bring or addressing the issues that need to be discussed.

And thirdly, we let our fear of not being ‘enough’ keep us from putting ourselves ‘out there’ where we run the risk of being uncovered as a fraud. It’s what drives the impostor syndrome: our inability to own our value and internalize our accomplishments. It fuels an irrational anxiety that at some point other people will cotton on to the fact that we’re not as skilled, clever or deserving of our success.

The message to #BeBoldForChange is one you’ve likely already seen this International Women’s Day. Yet changing the world around us begins with changing the world within us. So, as you look toward your future, to what it is you want to accomplish in the year to come and who you want to be for the people around you, I encourage you to begin with making the simple decision that you will be a little bolder in what you do and say.

Below are ten ways you can be bolder. Pick three that you’ll do this week.

1. Ask for what you want. That’s right, it’s simple enough but let’s face it, too often we dilute what we ask for or don’t ask at all for fear of seeming needy or being rejected. But as I’ve written before, how can you expect to get what you want if you’re not willing to ask for it. Here’s a video to help you do just that!

2. Say no. It’s a short little word but it’s one may women struggle to say because we know the person who’s extended the invitation or offer doesn’t want to hear it. But if you’re ever going to do what you really want to do you’ll often have to say no to good things to create space for great ones. Here’s a free video course I made for you to help you along.

3. Push back. Yes, you’re a nice person and you’re loathe to appear difficult but the truth is that if all you ever do is agree and go along to get along’ then sometimes you’re selling yourself short. Way short. Pushing back isn’t about being pushy. It’s just owning your right to see things differently to others. Sure women can get called bossy or bitchy for simply speaking their truth but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t! Being bold for change is all about risking a little push back for a cause that’s bigger than your own comfort. Here’s a video to watch if you need a little help.

4. Own your worth. Next time you’re talking about what you do, talk about it in a powerful way that lets people know you see the value in what you do (even if they have yet to realize it). Too often our fear of seeming like we are bragging keeps us from talking about what we’re up to. Time to own it! If you ever struggle with self-promotion, here’s a video for you!

5. Risk rejection. It’s not rejection you’re afraid of, it’s how you will feel because of what you make it mean… a personal inadequacy on your part; evidence that you are ‘less than worthy’ in some way. It doesn’t mean that at all. The truth is you need to risk a lot of rejections if you want to get ahead in your business, career and life. If you’re still licking a wound from a previous rejection, watch this.

6. Own your difference. We all like to belong to a group but too often we let our fear of disapproval keep us from expressing who we really are and owning what makes us different. So don’t dial yourself down for fear of standing out. Just be 100% of whoever it is you truly are. As I wrote in this recent Forbes column, “When all you do is try to fit in and conform, all you offer is conformity. It’s what sets you apart from others that makes you interesting.”

7. Take a risk. Women are naturally more cautious than men. It’s why women are far less likely to engage in high risks sports or suffer spinal injuries. We don’t get the same buzz from going fast as men. Yet we can often be more reticent to take the very risks that would enable us to get ahead. As I wrote in Brave, if there’s something you’d really love to do or change, embrace the discomfort of risk taking and just do it.

8. Ditch all guilt. Some guilt is healthy. Like if you haven’t paid your taxes or you’ve done something that’s violated a core value and leaves you out of integrity with yourself. More often though our guilt is driven by social norms and rules that we’ve unwittingly bought into. If you’re a working mother, you’ll know all about that. But here’s the deal, how can you teach your kids to go out and pursue their dreams if you aren’t pursuing yours? You can’t! Or not with any credibility anyway.

So lay all the ‘shoulds’ to the side and ask yourself, what is it that you would love to do so much that you know even if it pulls you away from your kids more often than you’d like, you know that they (as well as you) will ultimately be better off because you’ve done it? If you’re still struggling, here’s a recent free download I created for you.

9. Expand your tribe. The more people who know who you are, what you can do and what you’d love to do more of, the more people who can help you get there. So think about who it is that you’d love to build a relationship with and find a way to connect with them.

10. Challenge your story. You live in an intricate web of stories about who you are, about what you can do and, just as importantly, what you can’t. Your stories are the truth but they have the power to shape your life. So if you’ve been telling yourself a story that you’re too old, too young or that you’re not ‘enough of something’ try telling yourself another one and see what possibilities open up for you. Here’s an article I wrote to with 5 steps to help you do just that.

Time to lean in and lead don’t you reckon?

It’s not true. What is true is that each of us can do pretty amazing things. We just have to refuse to buy into the stories we tell ourselves about why we can’t, roll up our sleeves and do the hard yards!

While not everyone aspires to build a global fashion empire or design jewelry for the stars, every single one of us can take an idea that inspires us and turn it into something that inspires others.

Drawing on the hard-won wisdom these big thinking women had to share, along with my previous interview with Emma Isaacs, founder of Business Chicks, below are eight lessons for building whatever it is that lights you up.

1. Be passionate: Building any business requires enormous investment of energy, grit and hard work. So be clear about why you’re up to the challenge and if you can’t put your heart into it, get out of it.

2. Define your difference: Know what your brand stands for and how it stands apart from your competitors. Your value lies in what sets you apart. So while you may want to out do everyone else on what they do well, your competitive edge is doing what no one else will ever do as well as you.

3. Communicate your Why: Get your employees on board with the bigger mission you’re trying to serve. People are hungry to feel that what they do serves a purpose bigger than profit. As Samantha Wills shared, “You need to be always going back to the ‘why’.”

4. Risk mistakes: Don’t wait to have a perfect plan. Just do what makes the most sense and trust that you’ll finesse the rest as you go along. Fail fast, fail often and fail forward. As Emma Isaacs shared with me the first time I interviewed her for RawCourage.TV, “Every minute of the day I’m thinking I hope I can pull this one off.”

Unless we’re willing to back ourselves, to lean in to our fear and take the risk we never discover just how much we can do!

5. Work from your strengths: You can’t be good at everything and if you try to be, you’ll hold your business back. So work from your strengths and recruit people to do what you’ll never do well. Richard Branson shared the same advice with me when I interviewed him on Necker Island. Do what you do well and leave others to do what they do better than you ever can!

6. Don’t over personalize: Things won’t always go well and people won’t always respond the way you’d like. That’s business. That’s life. So don’t take rejection too personally or interpret a mistake as a personal and permanent deficiency on your part. If you’re forging new ground, you’re going to get it wrong some times. As Emma Isaacs also shared during our conversation above, “When things don’t go as you want, don’t make a big drama about it.” Learn the lesson and move on. People who achieve the most aren’t continually avoiding the possibility of rejection or failure. They just aren’t taking it personally when their risks don’t pay off.

7. Ditch your ego: Too much pride can hold your business hostage and keep you from taking the risks needed to forge new ground, admit mistakes and ask for help. There’s no space in a growing business for ego. Not if you want it to succeed anyway. No matter how big  your business grows, it’s never ‘too big too fail’ as we learned in 2008. Pride is the enemy of learning, innovation and growth.

8. Hire (and fire) on values:  Management guru Peter Drucker has said that ‘culture eats strategy for breakfast.’ It’s why hiring people who will fit with your culture is more important than hiring really smart people who may only undermine it. All three women spoke about the importance of only bringing people on board if their values align with your own. If you get it wrong, waste no time letting go those who don’t fit. The wrong people can be toxic to the rest of your workforce and cost you far more in the long run that cutting your losses as soon as you realize you have a cultural misfit.

The goal of leadership is to find a just balance between competing values and competing goals, but sacrificing values in pursuit of your goals can exact a steep toll in the longer term. As Lizzy Abegg, founder, Spell & The Gypsy Collective said, “You need to find people who literally get up in the morning and bounce into the office.”

Margie has been appointed Australia’s first Ambassador for Women in Global Business by the Australian Federal Government. WIBG was created to support Australian business women in expanding their businesses around the world. To access support and resources, visit www.wigb.gov.au

Sure our bodies change as we age, but our age is a number and it means as much as we make it mean. Whatever labels others may want to slap on us, we should never let our age define us or be an excuse not to keep growing, learning, playing and trying new things.

Man Kaur is an inspiring example of what it means to age well. A 100-year-old Indian woman, Kaur took up running at 93 on her 78-year-old son’s suggestion. She has since won over 20 medals, three of them gold at the Americas Masters Games this week.

In the video above, I talk about the importance of challenging what we see as possible for ourselves right throughout our lives. You may have already seen it, but if you haven’t, I hope you’ll take a minute to watch it, to download the Courage Pledge and, if you’re inspired, to make your own.

None of us are immune to self-doubt and our inner critic never entirely goes away (well, mine hasn’t!) We are hardwired to veer away from situations where we could risk losing face or falling short.  It’s precisely why living bravely is indispensable for living well.

When we let our fear of not having what it takes run our lives – whether it’s because we think we’re too old, too inexperienced or just not ‘enough’ in some way – we miss out on the very best of what life has to offer. Imagine if Kaur had told her son she was far too old to start running? I’ve heard people half her age say just that!

I hope this video will challenge you to rethink what is possible for you, now and well into the future.  If it inspires you, please share it with the people in your life who need a little encouragement and then ask yourself:

What would I do today if I were being brave?

No matter how old you are, how much you’ve done or how far you’ve yet to go, every single day holds an invitation for you to be a little bit braver than you have before.

The things you want most are riding on it.

LIVE BRAVE WOMEN’S WEEKEND

Still a couple spots left at my next Live Brave Women’s Weekend. If you’d love to start 2017 with a strong sense of purpose for all that is possible for you and a game plan to make it happen, please join me and a host of big thinking women this November.  All the details here.

“This vowcher lets you be my gest at the Oscars when I am nomnated for best actres.”

(I figured she stood more chance of that than winning the national spelling bee!)

I’ve tucked it away for safe keeping until that day arrives. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. I just love that she wasn’t afraid to dream so big.

Too often, somewhere between wearing tiaras and leaving school we women dial down our dreams and reset our sights as the realities of the ‘real’ world crush in on us. The hurdles are higher, the competition tougher and the disappointments bigger.  Sticking with goals that minimize the sting of rejection and risk of failure seems like the better, less painful, option.

But it never is. And it never will be. And if you have a daughter, there’s nothing more important you can do to enable her to thrive in life than helping her grow into the bravest version of the woman she has it in her to be. Here’s six ways I believe you can do just that.

1. Encourage her to dream big

I was only a little older than Maddy, growing up on a dairy farm in rural Australia, when I told my parents I wanted to a journalist, like the ones on 60 Minutes. My mother said I didn’t read the newspaper enough. It was true. It only occurred to me years later that we never got one.

While we each walk a different path to parenthood, we must all be careful not to let our own experiences, including our disappointments, hurts and unmet aspirations, dampen the ambitions of our daughters. Sure, not everyone will be the next Cate Blanchet or Hilary Clinton, but better to aim high and fall short than to risk our daughters one day looking back on their lives and wondering ‘What if?’

Better to aim high and fall short than to risk our daughters
one day looking back on their lives and wondering ‘What if?’.

2. Embolden her to take risks

Each of my three sons has had at least one broken bone (one of them has had three!) My daughter, like me, hasn’t had one. I’ll admit it’s a limited data set, but it’s also good a reflection of how boys and girls differ: boys are physically rougher and more comfortable taking risks.

You could argue girls are simply ‘more sensible,’ sparing us the gray hairs we get watching our sons hurtle down hills on their skate boards and bikes – “Look mom, no hands!” But while boys are more partial to stitches and plaster casts, by adulthood they’re often also more resilient when knocked down, more comfortable exiting their comfort zone and more adept at taking risks – and not just physical risks, but psychological ones. This gives them an edge in business and life because let’s face it, everything worthwhile demands risk of some sort.

Research validates this. Despite our daughters doing better at school and university relative to our sons, once they get into the workplace women are less confident, more cautious and less likely to:

• Pursue stretch roles
• Challenge authority
• Negotiate salary or conditions
• Promote themselves, or ask for a promotion

All of these things require risk in some way – of risking rejection, criticism, looking foolish, falling short, or outright failure. Which is why giving your daughter a gentle push outside her comfort zone can sometimes be the most loving thing you can do for her because it helps her to realize she can do more than she think while building self-confidence to handle bigger challenges.  Protecting her from the pain of failure or sting of rejection doesn’t set her up to thrive in the bigger game of life, it deprives her from acquiring the skills to live it well.

3. Teach her to speak bravely, even if she gets called bossy

Facebook CFO Sheryl Sandberg believes we should #BanBossy, but, while I love her Lean In message, on this count, I think she has it wrong. We need to encourage our daughters to embrace bossy, not ban it. As the CEO of the United Nations Foundation, Kathy Calvin, shared with me in this interview below, we need to own our right to have an opinion and not let others discount its value.

Don’t get me wrong though. I’m not advocating for bossiness or any behavior that pulls people down. But I strongly believe we must encourage our daughters to own their right to express their opinion, be confident in standing their ground and to take the lead when others aren’t.

It takes courage to say something that may rock the boat. It’s why women, wired to forge connections but loathe to disrupt them, so often don’t. But when we stay silent for fear of ruffling feathers, we implicitly teach those around us that we are okay with the status quo.

But when we stay silent for fear of ruffling feathers,
we implicitly teach those around us that we are okay with the status quo.

Starting in the schoolyard and continuing throughout her life – in the workplace, friendships, and at home – your daughter will encounter people who will to pressure her, intimidate her and devalue her. She needs to know that she has to take responsibility for standing up for herself and, starting from the time she can talk, encourage her to practice doing just that. As I wrote in my book Brave, we build our bravery every time we act with it.

4. Continually remind her she is lovable and worthy, no matter what

Of course it’s hard to be brave and stand up for ourselves when we don’t believe, truly believe, that we deserve better. Which is why, above all else, our daughters need to know, beyond any doubt, that they are deeply loved and infinitely lovable – even when they’re behaving anything but.

Girls who don’t grow up believing in their inherent worth develop into women who spend their lives unconsciously searching for validation – from friends, strangers, lovers and losers alike.  Setting your daughter up to forge genuinely loving, respectful and rewarding relationships begins by having her know that she is deserving of love, worthy of respect and that she should never settle for anyone less. Eveeer!

Maddy with a Masai child we met following our climb up Mt Kilimanjaro.

5. Help her define herself beyond beauty, brands or brains

Right from the get-go, there’s enormous pressure on anyone born with a vagina to conform to the idealized images created by marketers and reinforced by mass media. Refusing to conform to that pressure is a life-long challenge for women everywhere at every age.

We give our daughters a head start when we actively nurture what makes them unique, accept them for who they are , and don’t pressure them to be someone they’re not! That requires regularly reminding them not to measure their worth by how good they are at sports or math or music, by their complexion or body shape, the brands they wear, the parties they’re invited to or by how many followers they have on Instagram. And certainly not by their ‘boyfriend’ status!

Nothing can diminish our daughters fragile sense-of-self faster than believing she has to reach some external measure of success to be worthy or ‘enough’; nothing can build her bravery more than knowing she is good enough just as she is.

6. Model the bravery you hope to inspire

Your daughter may not listen to what you say, but she notices everything you do. Nothing will teach her how to be brave better than what she learns each time she sees you being brave yourself.

Your daughter may not listen to what you say, but she notices everything you do.

So as you think about how to raise your daughter to be a confident and courageous woman – sure of herself and resilient under pressure – begin by considering where you need to practice a little more bravery yourself.   Any time you tip toe around an awkward conversation, allow someone treat you poorly, avoid taking a risk for fear of failure, or let other people’s opinions matter more than your own, you’re missing an important opportunity to teach your daughter how to be brave.

Speaking of which, when my daughter Maddy was 15, she flew from Melbourne to LA  to do an acting course. Hollywood didn’t look quite so glamorous up close. Yet it opened up a whole new world of possibilities for her anyway (she wants to have her own late night talk show now!) The following year left home and moved across the world to finish school in the US, inspired by the belief that if she works hard enough, she can do anything she wants.

Watching her go was one of the hardest, and maybe one of the bravest, things I’ve ever had to do (Darn it, I know I tell other people to think big and live brave but didn’t realize my kids were listening!) But one thing I know for sure, it’s that whatever happens, Maddy deal with it. Why? Because she’s braver than she knows. 

So too are you.

Australia’s first Ambassador for Women in Global Business, Margie Warrell is passionate about helping people live braver and better lives. A master coach, Forbes columnist, and bestselling author, she practices the concepts she writes about on her four kids. Sometimes it backfires!

This may sound like a pretty negative thing to say but having had numerous painful periods in my life, I believe so much suffering people experience comes from trying to avoid it.

Which is why I’m excited to share with you my recent conversation with one of my all time favorite authors, Marianne Williamson. What I love most about Marianne is her fierce commitment to saying what she feels needs to be said, even if it’s not what people want to hear. Myself included. The first time we met she admonished me for ‘diminishing myself’… something we laugh about in the video below.

When we run from what is causing our pain, we set ourselves up to feel more of it. Only by having the courage to confront and sit with it can we be freed from it.

Marianne’s passion for shining a light on that which she feels needs attention is what compelled her to write her latest book. From Tears To Triumph focuses on how we can experience life’s dark and painful periods with greater courage and compassion and, in doing so, spare ourselves (and others) unnecessary suffering.

Our happiness obsessed culture has given birth to an ‘epidemic of depression.’ Unwilling to confront what has created the discord in our lives, or to simply feel the depth of our ache, we set ourselves up to feel more of it.

“Sometimes those sleepless nights, as painful as they are, are necessary for our own healing and growth.” – Marianne Williamson

As Marianne shared with me, “Sometimes those sleepless nights, as painful as they are, are necessary for our own healing and growth.” There is nothing wrong about feeling sad or down on life. It’s normal. Yet we do ourselves (and others) a profound disservice when try to numb or deny it rather than to look at what part we’ve played (or are playing) that has us feeling this way.

I hope you’ll make some time to listen to our conversation where we also talk about raising brave self-reliant children, overcoming self-doubt, letting Grace flow in to our lives and so much more!

I’d love to know what your own experience of moving from tears to triumph; from emerging through difficult periods in your life with a deeper appreciation for what they taught you.
As Marianne shares in her book, ‘The greatest opportunity for humanity in the twenty-first century is not in widening our external horizons, but in deepening our internal ones.” This applies as much to each of us on a personal level as it does collectively.

Here’s to deeper horizons and braver living.

Want to hear more of Margie’s conversations with Marianne? Subscribe to the Live Brave Podcast to hear their conversation about stepping into your power to change the world or read more on the blog at  Your Playing Small Serves No One