What went wrong?

Investigations produced multi-layered findings. Yet beneath the complexity lay a common element.

Fear. People were afraid to speak the truth.

And so, they didn’t.

Concerns weren’t shared, mistruths were rewarded, and valuable information was filtered down as it moved up the chain.

I regularly speak to leaders who share the importance of developing talent, building strong teams, and fostering great cultures. And yet time and time again, people in their organizations tell me that they regularly hold back from speaking candidly for fear of what might happen if they do. It’s rare that they have a leader who is actively scaring them. More often they simply don’t assess that the reward is worth the potential risk.

Fear of what could go wrong often stops people from taking action and speaking up to make things more right. The presence of fear in organizations exacts a tax that is rarely immediately obvious. Of course, people don’t always die, and companies don’t always go bankrupt or fork out billions in settlements. More often, the cost of fear at play in workplaces is a slow leaking drip of value lost, creativity stymied and potential squandered.

People stop taking initiative, asking questions, sharing ideas, and confiding mistakes. Decisions are delayed, plans are polished….and polished some more. Innovation slows. Silo walls thicken. Problems aren’t voiced.

You’ve seen. I’ve seen it. The reality is that people play it safe unless they feel safe enough to do otherwise.

People play it safe unless they feel safe to do otherwise.

The biggest problems in organizations can usually be traced back to the conversations that did not occur because people didn’t feel safe enough to have them. When leaders don’t make people feel safe to risk their vulnerability and speak truthfully, they put the whole organization at risk. As Amy Edmondson shared on my latest podcast “Unsafe cultures endanger everyone.”

It’s why psychological safety – a term Edmonson popularized and defines as ‘permission for candor’ and taking interpersonal risks – has been found to be the strongest determinant of high-performing teams.

Of course, leaders play a pivotal role in building psychological safety and fostering what I call a ‘culture of courage’; every leader is, as my colleague Sarah Jensen Clayton says, a ‘chief culture architect.’ The more power they hold, the more impact they wield. For better or, as is too often the case, for worse.

If leaders aren’t proactively de-risking acts of vulnerability, they are inadvertently encouraging counter-productive behaviors and reinforcing fear-based norms that stymie growth and hold potential dormant. Individual and collective.

“The cognitive calculus errs toward caution” – Amy Edmondson

Emotions drive behavior, not logic. Telling employees to ‘be brave’ and ‘speak up’ only stokes cynicism if it’s not accompanied by consistent evidence those behaviors will be rewarded and an absence of any reason to doubt otherwise. And in today’s hybrid working environment in which many people are now connecting remotely, it’s all the easier to hide behind our screens and rationalize caution.

When people feel insecure, or have any reason to hesitate before speaking, it reinforces cautious ‘play-it-safe’ norms. After all, no one ever got fired for saying what their boss wanted to hear. At least not in the short term, which is where we naturally focus.

While leaders have the biggest role in bending the cultural norms toward courage, every person, regardless of role, can play a role to make others feel more comfortable in engaging in the conversations that matter most (this includes you.) Because just as fear is contagious, so too is courage. Here are a few ways to help you do just that.

1. Trade cleverness for curiosity

When Satya Nadella took the reins of Microsoft he saw a need to shift from a culture of experts to a culture of curiosity and went about instilling a growth mindset across the company. He encouraged employees to shift from being ‘know-it-alls’ to ‘learn-it-alls’ and role-modelled it himself.

Let’s face it, none of us know what we’re wrong about. As Daniel Kahneman noted, most people have “excessive confidence in what we believe we know” coupled with an “inability to acknowledge the full extent of our ignorance.”

So make a habit of asking questions before espousing your opinion. Get comfortable practicing a deliberate ‘I don’t know.’ Most of all, listen with an openness to change your mind.

2. Destigmatize miss-steps (starting with sharing your own)

Bernie Marcus, Home Depot co-founder, always started his weekly management meetings by sharing something he had not succeeded at in the previous week. By openly sharing his failings, he made it safer for others to try new things and scale the learning across the company by freely sharing it.

If you’re a committed learner, you will inevitably make the odd ‘miss-step’ as you fumble up the learning curve. When you do, don’t keep it to yourself. Not only does sharing your learning enlighten others, but you ameliorate the shame associated with imperfect outcomes.

3. Call on quieter voices

Our brains are wired to extend more credibility to the opinion of authority figures. So, if you are in any sort of leadership role, chances are that some trusting folks will fail to think critically about what comes out of your mouth. While flattering to the ego, it creates vulnerability because, to quote General Patton: “If everyone is thinking alike, somebody isn’t thinking.”

Make a point to actively invite the less vocal to challenge your thinking. ‘

4. Encourage ‘loyal dissent’

Beyond fostering inclusion is de-risking dissension. Research shows that the best decisions are made when high intellectual friction is coupled with low social friction. A chief responsibility of leadership is to galvanize people behind a common purpose and encourage them to challenge the established ideas about how to bring that purpose to life. Ask people, ‘What might I be missing here?’

Sometimes asking for just ‘one thing’ that might improve outcomes can reduce apprehension and yield more input… after all, you just want ‘one thing.’ For instance, ‘What is one way we could improve this process/strategy/product…?’

5. Respond well to ugly truths and silly questions

The culture at Volkswagen celebrated bold ambition but penalized not meeting targets. As VW engineers realized they couldn’t meet cost, efficiency, and emissions goals, they felt too afraid to report it. So they lied. Fear of truth-telling drives ugly truths underground. But they never stay there.

Sometimes in our eagerness to reward results, we can encourage behaviors we don’t want and discourage those that we do.

You may not like what you hear, but never make anyone regret shooting straight with you. Responding positively can make a crucial difference for a long time to come. For instance, ‘I really appreciate you bringing this to me so quickly. I’m sure it’s no fun sharing it, but I’m grateful you have.’

People need to believe that the pay-off for speaking up is worth the pitfall.

Likewise, if you’re asked a ‘silly question’, don’t make the asker feel stupid (note: self-restraint may be required.) Doing so risks shutting down very smart questions down the road. People need to believe the payoff for being brave is worth the pitfall.

Research finds that the time span between someone identifying a problem and raising it is a strong indicator of top-performing teams. Psychological safety determines that time gap.

6. Lead yourself first

Until a leader is secure in themselves, fear will be their chief counsel and they’ll be unable to make others feel secure around them. Examples of such leaders abound. Yet the only thing required to build leadership influence is having the courage to act as a leader – regardless of title.

Courage and psychological safety form a virtuous cycle. To quote Edmondson, they are “two sides of the same coin.” So whatever, your position, take it upon yourself to make others feel comfortable in being brave around you.

In every sphere, we need leaders with the courage to lay their vulnerability on the line for the sake of a nobler cause. Regardless of your title, you can choose to step up and be one of those leaders – showing up with the courage and humble curiosity you’d like to see more of in others, particularly those with the highest positions of power.

You could argue that it’s not your job to lead change. That it’s too risky and not worth it. Yet every time you rise above the inclination to play it safe and actively choose to step up to the plate, you not only empower yourself, you embolden others… and courage spreads – incubating innovation, accelerating learning and avoiding the perils of fear-driven behavior.

That’s what I call leadership.

As President and CEO of the UN Foundation, Kathy Calvin has been instrumental in bringing Ted’s vision into reality, improving the lives of millions around the world.

I had the privilege of meeting Kathy while living in the DC area and have worked with her and the UN Foundation ever since. In Kathy’s usual generous style, she shared her insights on a range of issues from bridging the gender gap to managing stress, spreading positive energy, saying no and handling mistakes when you get it wrong (as Kathy said she has many times!).

One insight she shared was that any mistake you make is only as bad as what you do afterward. Try to bury it and it will just get worse. Don’t own your part, and you’ll lose trust. The only useful response is trying to rectify it and learn all you can so you don’t repeat it!

I hope you’ll enjoy our conversation on my latest Live Brave Podcast her.

I was not long out of university when I first came upon these words by Marianne Williamson. Soon after, they inspired the decision I made with my newly-minted husband Andrew to take up jobs in Papua New Guinea. Marianne’s words have also guided countless decisions since – from more global adventures to writing my first book and having a fourth child (in five years) despite my fear of being inadequate for the task. On every count.

So it was such a thrill to meet her three years ago (on Necker Island with Richard Branson) and an equal delight to sit down with her in her Manhattan apartment a couple weeks ago to interview her for my Live Brave Podcast.

Marianne is many things. Fiery. Articulate. Direct. Unapologetic and political. When I pondered out loud if I’ve been cowardly or prudently cautious for steering out of political debates she said, “We cannot separate out our spiritual lives from the political reality in which we are living.”

Of course in the short term, it is always easier to avoid political conversations and stick to ‘safer topics’. But, as Marianne argues, the source of power is not in the government, it is in us. She advocates for a renewed spiritual and social consciousness that transcends religion or partisan politics and promotes a more holistic approach; one that converges spiritual wisdom with individual political responsibility.

Marianne Williamson, who made an unsuccessful bid for the US Congress back in 2014, is on a mission to wake people up to the gravity of the problems facing America and the planet. During our conversation she made an impassioned call for action to address the problems that are creating so much suffering – with more love, less fear; with deeper compassion, less complacency; with greater personal responsibility, less complaining, bickering and blaming.

“I feel that in the deepest part of us we want to play the big game,” she said. “But you can’t play the big game in life unless you are taking the big responsibility of life.” While we cannot always choose the circumstances of our lives, we always have the power to choose how we will respond to them. If we aren’t actively choosing to be part of the solution in addressing the problems we see around us then we become, by default, complicit in perpetuating them. What we don’t do in life has no less an impact than on what we do.

Of course, given the scale of negativity consuming our airwaves, it’s easy to buy into the belief that each of us, on our own, is powerless to make a meaningful difference.  Yet believing that we are powerless is an unconscious way of avoiding the responsibility for using our power. “In advanced democracies, nobody has the right to say ‘I can’t make a difference’,”, Marianne said. “If you are on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, you have an influence.”

Clearly little is served by doing more of what already is not working – vilifying, deriding and dehumanizing those who hold different opinions, justifying immorality or excusing incivility, much less adding to it.

If you’re unsure where or how to begin, make time to sit down with someone who holds different political viewpoint to you. Then, without any intention of trying to change their mind, ask them to help you understand why they see things as they do. Step into their shoes and speak only to clarify your understanding, not to argue why they’ve got it all wrong.

By taking the time to genuinely see through the eyes of another, it helps people feel heard, defuse defensiveness, and, over time, can make them more willing to try to understand you. No one responds well to being told they are wrong or stupid. We all respond better when we sense that others are genuinely trying to understand how we might even be right. And everyone is better off when we can find a mutual middle ground upon which to step forward, together.

We will only address the big problems in the world when we decide to look within ourselves to see where we are failing to act with the courage, compassion and character that we want to see in those who are charged with leading us. Change will not happen from the top. It never does. It happens from the bottom – across the dinner table, at the cafe, on the bleachers, in the park – and every one of us, regardless of our positional power or social strata, holds the power to step up to the plate in our own lives and communities and to be a source of empathy, inspiration, understanding, and encouragement for those around us.

If there is one thing the recent outpouring of tributes to John McCain revealed, beyond the kind of man he was, it’s that the world is hungry for people who have the power to step up and use it well. If you have the ability to listen, to speak, to cast a vote, to share a post, or to write a note, then you are one of them. After all, how else can those who have no vote and received no education, ever enjoy the opportunity, equality and basic human rights that we all too often take for granted?

You ask yourself, “Who am I to be a change maker, a leader, a force for good and champion for change?”

Who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world.

Listen to the Live Brave Podcast

While our view ascending Kilimanjaro was spectacular, it didn’t impact our view of the world near as much as our visit to Nairobi’s Kibera slum, one of the world’s largest, just a few days later.

Kibera is home to about half a million people (though no one knows for sure) as the Kenyan government refuses to acknowledge its existence. Its inhabitants live in small shoddily built shacks, about 3 x 3 meters, with dirt floors and often insufficient space for everyone to sleep laying down (many we visited had over ten people living inside.) There is no running water, no showers, no sewerage, no garbage collection and no drainage (with devastating impact every rainy season.)

In lieu of toilets, Kibera’s residents use small plastic bags and fling them into the street. Over time they leak, creating a stench that affronts the senses of any newcomer. The few basic medical clinics and schools that do exist are all privately funded through organisations such as Women For Women in Africa whom chaperoned our visit.

We had two main reasons for visiting Kibera. Firstly, to support the work of WFWIA, an organisation I’d connected with in Australia. Secondly, to broaden my children’s worldview and reinforce their identity as global citizens with a responsibility to help those who weren’t so fortunate to be born into homes where food, shelter, medical care and education aren’t so easily taken for granted.

In the months following our visit we all wrestled to reconcile ourselves with the unfairness of it all. Sure we tried to make a difference in our own small way. Raising money for the Baraka School which welcomed us like royalty (see photos below). Sponsoring students through WFWIA to get a higher education (cost prohibitive to many.) Running a women’s workshop at WFWIA center to grow their micro-businesses and become ‘change agents’ in their community. But still… our contributions felt so small relative to the vastness of Kibera’s poverty.

Yet despite the chasm that separated the conditions of Kibera’s people from those we returned home to and the many reasons one could find to justify hopelessness, I left Kibera with a strong sense of hope that their future was anything but hopeless. No situation – however bleak – ever is. And here’s why.

We human beings are always at choice. That is, we always, always, have a choice to choose between being at cause or being at effect in our lives.

That is, being a powerless victim at the mercy of the conditions of our lives, or a force for change proactively engaged in improving those conditions.

Being at ‘effect’ abdicates responsibility and relinquishes personal agency to make anything better. It’s someone else’s fault for how it is and it’s someone else’s job to improve it.

Alternately, being ‘at cause’ takes full ownership and use whatever resources are within their personal power to improve what is within their circle of control. Being at cause doesn’t deny reality or but it accepts that while we may not always choose the circumstances of our lives, we can always choose how we respond to them.

One lives in resignation; the other in aspiration.

One dwells on probabilities; the other on possibilities.

One languishes in blame, apathy and fear; the other flourishes in hope, aspiration and faith.

The truth is that we ‘human beings becomings’ are immensely capable of affecting change. Waiting for people in ‘power’ to fix things keeps us from using the power we each have within us. Every revolution throughout history attests to the power of the individuals when they rally together toward a future that is better than the past.

This does not mean that we can individually, nor immediately, solve them or make right the wrongs around us. But when we commit to taking purposeful action, and refuse to let our current conditions determine our future circumstances, we can become a catalyst for change and open previously closed avenues to transform the impossible into the possible.

There is no doubt in my mind that when people make the decision to create change, and enlist others in their vision, change doesn’t only become positive, it becomes inevitable.

Sister Pauline was one of the many incredible people we met in Kibera was testament to the power of hope and the possibilities that are born when we refuse to succumb to resignation and commit to defying the odds. Born in a small village in rural Kenya, as a young girl she would walk an hour each morning to go to school. Hardworking, eventually she was offered an opportunity to attend boarding school born. From there she was able to attend university. Her story of hardship and triumph over the odds was inspiring as were so many others we heard that day who had committed their lives to elevating and educating the people in Kibera (the singular most powerful lever for elevating people out of poverty.)

The truth is, each of us has the power to affect change in the world around us. It begins with using that power in our everyday lives. To be at cause in our lives, rather than effect; to refuse to define ourselves as a victim and to use the resources we have to improve whatever is within our control.

So I invite you to take ownership of what is not working in your own life. To refuse to lay blame on others or to succumb to resentment, victim-hood, hopelessness or despair.

To own the power you have to decide how you will experience life and to trust that wherever you are right now is exactly where you are supposed to be to learn, to grow and to expand into the fullness of the person you have it within you to be.

After all, life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.

Be at cause.